One last time
by DSISandraPullman39
Summary: So as the evening ends I'll leave grateful that I held you, danced with you, one last time and accept that it will never happen again.


**One last time**

**Disclaimer:-** Don't own them just borrowing!

**Episode:- **None

**Pairing:- **Jean/James

**Rating:- **K+

**Achieve:- ** **http(:/) . /group/rebeccafrontlewisffarchive/**

**Summary:- **So as the evening ends I'll leave grateful that I held you, danced with you, one last time and accept that it will never happen again.

**Author's Note:- **In answer to Beth's song fic challenge to write a song fic for your favourite song! Lyrics in italics from "Careless Whisper" by George Michael. Sort of angsty written from Jean's ex-husbands POV enjoy and reviews would be lovely.

_I feel so unsure as I take your hand_

_And lead you to the dance floor._

The music is soft as Chris and his new bride still hold the centre of the floor as I take your hand and do the final duty we have as parents. You glance back at him, at the man who is now privileged enough to have you because I was too blind to see what I was throwing away, and he smiles reassuringly at you. I know you could have refused to do this, you could have told Chris if you had to dance as part of the bridal party then it would be with James and no one else but you were always a bigger person than me. As Alice's parents take one side of the dance floor and we take the other I can feel you tense as I take you into my arms. How times have changed, what a gift I had when I have you and how I squandered it.

_As the music dies, something in your eyes_

_Calls to mind a silver screen and all it's sad goodbyes._

The guests clap politely as we all separate and in seconds you're gone the sad smile you give me as you go back to him cutting through my heart like a dagger. We said goodbye long ago now and I was the one who caused that goodbye so it shouldn't hurt like it does but I had no idea what I was giving up. Your happiness with him radiates from you as he stands pulling you into his arms and back onto the dance floor as another slow sensual song fills the air. With him you are truly there, truly with him as he whispers something in your ear and you smile seductively moving closer to him as you do,

_Time can never mend, the careless whisper of a good friend_

_To the heart and mind ignorance is kind_

_There's no comfort in the truth pain is all you'll find._

Standing at the bar and watching you move through the room, checking in with our son and new daughter-in-law then moving on a whirlwind of beauty and confidence that I know I can never get back. What I did, how I treated you was unforgivable, and you could never fort that especially now when it's so obvious that he holds your heart and makes you happy. Until today I'd been able to convince myself that you could still hold a torch for me, that you might still love me but had found it hard to forgive me. What I would give right now to go back to believing that but now that I've seen it with my own eyes the pain is unbearable. I know the sight before me now as you return to the table kissing him gently before taking your seat again.

_Tonight the music seems so loud I wish that we could lose this crowd_

_Maybe it's better this way we'd hurt each other with the things we'd want to say_

As the night wears on and the party gets going I want to do what you're doing now, I want to relax, be happy in the company I'm in and celebrate with our son but everything seems too loud and too claustrophobic. I want to suggest that we talk, just take some time to see if we going be friends at least again. I know we can never be together tonight has left me in no doubt of that but I want to know if we can ever be civil to each other. I miss you, I miss the way you were so completely on my side before I did what I did but I know you'd not spend any time with me now and it's probably for the best. We've said everything we needed to say and hurt each other so much with words that can never be taken back. Why would you want to mar your happiness by going back there again?

_I'm never going to dance again, guilty feet have got no rhythm _

_I should have known better than to cheat a friend and waste the chance that I'd been given_

_So I'm never going to dance again the way I danced with you._

The night is ending and the DJ has started a succession of slow songs causing the dance floor to fill with couples including you and James Hathaway and in spite of my date's attempts to get me to dance like every other couple I can't. The evening had been one big reminder of everything I've thrown away. Watching you I remember what it was like when it was me you held as you're holding him, I remember the quiet promises and gentle kisses that you are sharing with him. I remember how it used to feel like you were somehow keeping me from someone better before I betrayed you and our marriage. Reaching the door with a final glance back I know what I've lost now more than ever and I know I'll never love anyone like I love you. I'll never have the life I could have had if I'd not thrown it away and never dance with anyone the way I danced with you and I've only myself to blame. So as the evening ends I'll leave grateful that I held you, danced with you, one last time and accept that it will never happen again.


End file.
